I Love My Blog's Background!!

How can Kuroko be that handsome ar?XD
Hes Kuroko Tetsuya from Kuroko no basuke anime^^
Nonetheless i love kise ryota too! Hes a geminian ;) and kuroko is an aquarian so no doubt hes that handsome hahahahahaha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SOOLEE!! 
Shes grown up lil by lil, but still that careless and childish XD
Hope that she can do well in her studies n being a leader in dunno wat event la haahahahaha
And same to Yuki. Be strong but sometimes be weak also when you're tired bcause God and Soolee is with u. Dont cry alone=)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BENJAMIN TOO!! 
hope that he will find his angel soon and also pass his test.
hope he can get the course that he wants=D
long time no chat with him..TT

Next is.. i feel so sorry to teb.. after went out with him today i have my thought of my decision which is to ask him to give up on me.
I wish i can give him a chance but i just couldnt do this cuz hes not the one that im looking for..
Hes good but my requirement is differ from what he has plus i dont have any feeling on him..this is the worst part of my rejection.
i dont have the heart race, blush, or even nervous. none of this happened on me when we met.
i know this is horrible thats why i dunno how should i tell him.

plus today we went jusco kinta city and passed by memory lane shop
i smell him..its his sweet smell, Elmy. 
i quickly walked away because i know he no longer has that sweet smell on him. so does his heart. its no longer mine or can be said not sure if its ever been mine for once.

I have no idea why i still couldnt like their pictures in fb. not even 1.
its been so many times i realized that i dont love him anymore, but so does i still love him deep down inside my heart.
how to put this.. its like sometimes i thought that i let go of him completely cuz i dont care bout him anymore but few days later i still think of him and put myself in sad mode.
i get jealous of the girls that he dated. including now
and i keep on repeating to myself i can find a better one someday later.
yes i found 1 but somehow i dont dare to know him and talk to him. we are friends in fb but we never talked.
hes perfect and thats the reason i cant befriend him because i dont want my history to repeat.
hes a genius with high pointer, an athlete that runs very fast and cool and perak state's badminton player, hes calm and matured, his body is perfect, his smile is cute and sincere, the rest im not sure since i dunno him much but he doesnt talk much especially to girls. 
i scare that if im in love again and someone will snatch him away from me and thats the reason to hold myself back.
and yes, hes now dating amanda that they even came into my dream that they two are together before i knew.
quite sad but its still ok cuz my feeling on his isnt much. just feel kinda sayang TT hahahahaha

i cant stop myself from thinking i was at fault since i let Elmy to choose one of us. i shouldnt let him choose.
but i realize also this step wont work also since his heart is so soft.. he wont let someone that pathetic alone..
whenever i saw the necklace that i asked him to choose for me i rmb his word saying someday later he will buy 1 for me.
the day wont come.
he and aishah are matchmade in heaven. thats the reason me n him not talking or having contact with each other until that day i stopped him from finding me
that was my fault and selfishness.
he told me that he still get jealous of my ex for no reason but isnt this the biggest hint that he still likes me?
i was scare to ask him directly cuz i will become the third party if this question goes on.
since two of them r so perfectly together i hinder myself from him and reassuring myself that hes faithful to her and has nothing on me.
and i accepted this truth, by my brain but not my heart.
up until now i still cant sincerely wish the two of u happy..why am i being so cruel?
he said we dated each other last time but i didnt feel i was in a relationship at all..but in roller coaster instead.
its very rare to have a normal mood back then cuz everyday i was worrying is he doesnt like me anymore?, why wouldnt he reply me? am i annoying to him? is he that busy? why would he reply other frens but not me?
and also.. "he smiled to another girl.."
back then, i treasured his smile as much as i treasure my bolster, cuz i want his all but not sharing with another girl.

i keep on thinking "why cant i have her happiness?" her happiness that spent with him.
shes having fun with him while im hugging my bolster to rub my tears off and pick up my pieces by myself. everyday after he admitted.
from then i have my slogan which is waiting is silly.

i wish i can close my heart from u someday. soon.
or i wish theres another perfect guy appears that could take ur place.

got to sleep..my sweet bolster is calling me XD
and so sorry to teb..hope he'll find someone better=)